Once a week I am reminded of this blog and most of the time I really couldn't care less. it seems like a lifetime ago that I poured my thoughts into a funnel of social media and now I think I have nothing to say.
If only I had nothing to think!
Is there a statute of limitation on forgiveness? And is it possible to forgive in a vaccum? Let's say that right now I say out loud that I forgive you and there is no one around to hear it then does it mean anything? Is the act of saying the words like the tumblers of a lock clicking into place and facilitating an opening of sorts? Oh I don't know. I forgive myself. This feels liberating. I'm sorry. I could have done better but I failed. I say the words out loud not just mouthing them but really meaning it.
I was wronged and quite angry with you. We haven't spoken since actually aside from conversations in dreams and in my head. Are you sorry? I am for my part in all of it. I say it out loud but it doesn't have the same oomph as an arrow that has hit a specific target.
Maybe that's where faith comes in. Faith being that Miracle On 34th Street definition of believing in things when common sense tells you not to. I say I'm sorry in this room and you over there in that room feel it and accept it.
Of course, I miss you and what I may miss most right now is telling you that I think this new endeavor of yours is pure crazy! What are you thinking?! Hahahhahahaha! You never liked my judgemental bitch opinions. And maybe judgement is unnecessary. But seriously, are you in your right mind?
Weeks ago, when faced with a horrible situation and feeling so bereft a good friend told me not to do anything permanent to a temporary situation. It's hard to know sometimes what is the exact thing we should do.
A year ago did I really think I would be here in this place right now? And next year, where will I be then? I guess the good thing is not knowing everything.
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