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January 09, 2007

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Contemplating. I wish I would've stayed in bed this morning.

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Ostriches, particles, spell correct. Oh, swype. Ok, on phone now. Doing a but of a test to see if this goes through. Will it or won't it. Shalom and Squishy are here curled into a bundle. Natural silences is on my favorite sound - light rain on tropical leaves and I just took some peptol bismol. Once upon a time I liked how it tasted. Nicely chalky. But now no. ewww. There is some wind outside. I hear the chimes. So, it's easier to insert pictures via the android phone but not the ipad. There is is silly looking app called secret diary. It's pink with glitter. The sort of thing a teenage mariah carey would fancy. I got it and since february have been using it daily. It's features are fun. Easy to add photos, a song, stickers, post it notes. It's replaced my written journal. For the longest time I eschewed the update because it said it added ads but last week the ads popped up anyway. So today I updated. All apps all updates. Why do I keep journals anyway?...

I would have wanted a call

And so I called. It doesn't really matter that he doesn't feel remorse for his past actions. I called because I would have wanted to be called. My brother didn't want anything to do with his family. He didn't call me when mom died. But I'm not him. Thank god, I'm not him. Dad died this morning at 7am. He went peacefully in his sleep. Me & m went down there. He looked more peaceful than he has in the past 3 weeks. I hated seeing him suffering so. Not recognizing me. Hated that m said he did. This has been coming for months. Hell, since I got here. But it's still hard. it rained gently when we were loading his boxes in the car. That's mom. Saw a praying mantis on the back door. That's grandma. We are not ever really alone.

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